It was the end of May 2023. We were on our honeymoon through Scotland and near the end of our trip we ended up at the Fairytrail at Loch Lomond. Within this Fairytrail there stood a large tree with two handprints. The idea was that you could place your hands onto the handprints and make a wish, the fairies would hear your wish and grant it. So there I stood, with my hands pressed firmly against the red handprints making one of the biggest wishes of my life. A wish that I never really doubted would come true. A wish we had had for years before, but because of life we never dared to actually take that step. A wish that I have made hundreds if not thousands of times over since that time at the Fairy Tree.
I have made that same wish at every 11:11, with every eyelash, with every dandelion. I made that wish every time I blew out a candle, because who says it only counts on your birthday? Nearly every night before I fell asleep I would visualize it until it was so close I could smell it, feel it, hear it, I would visualize it so much it already felt real to me. I would turn to my tarot cards and cry every time I pulled the Ace of Cups or The Empress. Every month that my wish didn’t come true I would light a candle and plead with the gods to please send my wish home.
When I made that big wish the first time I never thought I would continue making it over and over again for 2.5 years. But I did, and I still am.
Last year, in December I posted the last blog post that is on this website. I wrote about a tradition I had seen floating around social media. Couples would place a baby blanket under their Christmas tree and the idea was that before the next Christmas came around, you would at least have a positive pregnancy test.
It’s nearing December once again and last year I had a baby blanket under my tree. Just like my wishes, it seems it has fallen on deaf ears.
In the last couple of months I have just gotten more lost, especially with my witchy side. Because I want to trust the Universe and the plan, I want to put my faith in the gods and spirits and in the energy that guides everything. But it’s getting more and more difficult to trust this process.
Waiting on this makes it very easy to lose yourself. Everything becomes laser focused on this one goal, this one wish. Even when I don’t want to think about it, or talk about it, it still happens. It has taken over nearly every aspect of my life. And I’m not sure how to claw my way back.
Since my last blog post we have taken trying to make our wish come true to a truly magical level: science.
It’s not the path I thought we would have to take. It’s not where I thought I would be 2.5 years after that moment in Scotland. I think it’s also what has kept me from writing since my last post in December. Because I kept thinking that I just wanted to have some good news. I wanted to share that sometimes wishes and rituals work. But so far, I have been given no such proof.
I’m still wishing though, I don’t think I’ll stop for a while longer. But hopefully in the meantime, I can also get back a little bit of the things I feel I’ve lost along the way.
And I’ll keep lighting candles to guide my wish home.
thewitchywanderings.com 